Swivel-Eyed Loons

Posted on May 20, 2013 by dickepa

I love this, great isn’t! The economy is a baron wasteland with little to no growth and instead of finding confidence in the government’s Plan A, we’re bombarded with constant news of infighting. Whether it’s the coalition partners or the centre Right vs. the right Right, there’s plenty of disagreement, disenchantment, disillusionment and disruption. Yet people like you and me have to carry on, muddle through the best we can, no matter what. So much for “all in this together”.

If there’s one thing positive about the Coalition, its existance exposes political farce which keeps our vocabulary wet with words suchs as: Plebs, Swivel-eyed Loons, Eurosceptics and Nimbys. So why not join in the fun and add your own?

The challenge, should you accept, is to think of new coalition storm word worthy of media attention.

Here’s my try:
“The problem with our economy is that it is suffering from savers, people refusing to shop, happy with less refusing to spend more, and it’s these stagnant pond dwelling, ‘moribundites’ that are choking our economy.”
Know of any political party who would say a thing like that?

Much of the recent government debate has been about the “in or out” Europe question. Whilst UKIP cannot take full credit, Nigel Farage certainly brought this undercurrent to the surface. UKIP’s local success has the EU membership question firmly in the British headlines. Tory Back Benchers get more airtime than usual. Peter Bone, John Baron, & Jaboc Rees-Smogg (apologies for the typo). However Front Benchers, Philip Hammond and Michael Gove have joined in too! Their frank openness about their objections with what was absent from the Queen’s Speech and how they would vote. In my opinion I suspect the agenda behind the Tory announcement for an EU vote after 2015, as a self-serving manifesto pledge in an attempt to remain in power.

What are the drivers for an EU referendum?
UKIP has clearly demonstrated that there is a lot of ill feeling against immigration especially when people start to talk about the protection of jobs. Is this a good enough reason to leave the EU? Depends on whether you have a job or not. For our children their career choices could include something beyond geographical boundaries. We can do little to prevent the competition that globalisation brings so we do need to collaborate with other countries to realise more opportunities.

Leaving the EU membership cannot be about jobs alone! A cold fact is that the more residents the UK has, the more infrastructure is burdened. State services: hospitals, schools and social care will require more investment and more money. You cannot take out more than you put in, basic maths. Again there’s an understandable appetite to protect these services to ensure a progressive and comfortable standard of living but if we close the doors, do we stifle opportunity and progression elsewhere? Government needs to manage the demand better! A wiser approach to capacity planning and service management, people can move around but no-one can afford to support the masses for free.

What has the EU done for us?
Don’t look here for a comprehensive list, search on the internet like I did. Here’s just a few instant search results: freedom of movement, better low cost travel, more job opportunities (if the jobs exist), competitive prices in a larger market, more regulation and less pollution, smoke free public places, farer wages, more recycling and less war.

Does EU membership guarantee exports?
Depends on what you read and how the statistics are spun! The Office for National Statistics reports an increase of exports to Asia, over taking EU demand. China alone up by 226% since 2007. Back in 1998 48% of the UK’s worldwide exports went to the EU. However with the strength of the Pound against the Euro, imports from the UK are less desirable. The interesting American point of view, is that the UK is now the 6th largest supplier accounting for $45bn of sales, where China is top rank at $334bn. To swing this back to UK, China’s new middle class are demanding more from the UK. Whilst exporting to the EU is significant, the potential to bring in the cash lies elsewhere but what I don’t know is, how much EU contribution is required to deliver a product elsewhere?

Whilst some ministers continue to indulge themselves in self-serving, games, for instance, Michael Gove announcing Vince Cable’s quest for Lib Dem power at the cost of outer politics, the song “Things can only get better” comes to mind. When 2015 finally does arrive, one thing you can guarantee is that your coalition vocabulary will be much bigger than it is today.

Office for National Statistics
1998 EU Exports
What has Europe Done for US
What the Guardian said about the EU

Borage Power: The Alliance of Conservative and UKIP

Posted on May 10, 2013 by dickepa

It’s May and in the far distance you can hear the faint chime of dancing Morris bells, meandering and drifting their loose jingling way over the green hills of England. If you stand still for long enough you might even hear something else in-between the dancing ankles of tradition! The political fanfare of the circus clowns as they march their merry way to frontline news.

Thanks to Tory, Kenneth Clarke, aka as Kenneth Clown, we now have the fun image of the UKIP clowns. Yes the clowns are in are in town, bigger than life, louder than any fog horn, smokin’, drinkin’, humorous, and most importantly, more popular than the Tory party.

Nigel Farage said UKIP will cause a “sea change in British politics” and this has started without a single UKIP MP! But how could this minor party achieve so much with so little? A protest vote? Since their success in local elections, the question of UK membership in the European Union is back on the pre 2015 agenda and the Tory Eurosceptics queue is now growing by the day, much to the annoyance of the Prime Minister.

Those in coalition are not popular amongst British voters. Farage explains his party will alter government course just as the Social Democratic Party did in the late 80′s. The SDP influenced New Labour policy but did not move to a place of power. Instead the party merged with the Liberal Party, forming the Liberal Democrats and it took them 20 years to capitalise on an opportunity of no majority.

Can Nigel Farage find an alliance amongst the Tories? Not while David Cameron is Prime Minister but wait a minute, here comes London’s most celebrated and shrewd clown of all, Boris Johnson.

The Rise of UKIP

Social Democratic Party

The Sirens Cometh for Ed Miliband

Posted on April 30, 2013 by dickepa

Who watches Game of Thrones? It’s a medieval (ish) fantasy television drama series which has various tribes challenging for power. The show has small people, giant people, under estimated lesser people, nasty people, greedy people, ghosts, zombies, huge wolves, and fire breathing dragons. Just like UK politics! If anyone watches it long enough they might even spot Boris Johnson. When I watch Prime Minister’s Questions on Wednesdays, I almost expect to see Mr Johnson’s Tom Foolery manifest in the Speaker’s chair. “Order, Order, let the game of Wiff Waff begin”.

After the long absence of Prime Minister’s Questions [PMQs], the weekly opportunity for members of Parliament to put questions to the leader of Government, Ed Miliband’s opposition questions were less guns a blazing and more cork pop-flip-flop! A contrast to before. The Labour campaign has yet to share how the party will recover the economy which is what most of us will be voting for in May 2015.

In April, Tony Blair called for Labour not to become a “Repository for people’s anger” and and Unite’s union leader, Len McClusky wrote: My message to Ed is to take no notice of the siren voices from the boardrooms of JP Morgan or wherever else he [Blair] is at the moment. And also said that if he was ”seduced” by the Blairites, he’d lose the election and be “cast into the dustbin of history”. The reason why Mr McClusky says this is because the voting power of Unite help to put Ed Miliband where he is today.

Maybe this helped Mr Miliband’s focus, who knows, but there’s more media cover of soap box rallying than before! Unfortunately Ed’s message is soon clouded with comments such as “Britain’s problems are so bad NO ONE can solve them” and the diluted words of “might consider” when talking about cuts. Not winning many votes here.

In my opinion, Labour are going to need to a broadcast a stronger plan with an added front bench shuffle to improve their voter appeal. Better get more practice at Wiff Waff and dragon slaying. Now what’s on TV?

References:

The Newstatesman

The Huffington Post

Game of Thrones

Tsunami Debt and the Search for Answers

Posted on April 19, 2013 by dickepa

Why would you go surfing in a Tsunami of Debt?

For this post to work I’m going to need something from you! Imagination and faith in the great outdoors.

Picture the scene, its April 2010, it’s hot , Gordon Brown’s not, a general election lurks in the shadows of a mountain of debt and four familiar, yet political strangers from the Conservative and Liberal Democrat parties, meet at a beach somewhere in Cornwall to discuss a coalition.

“Come on Nick and Danny, the water is perfectly clear” shouts Dave squeezing into his trunks “team up with Osborne and I, and ride the big waves. It will be fun. You’ll be remembered for the choices we made. I’ve spoken to the guys about your manifesto and they said the blue’s the limit! You’ll grow to love the old chaps at Tory central, LOL”

Nick looks square into Danny’s eyes “Danny dear friend, shall we take the plunge into government with Dave and his mate?”. The chance of power reduces Danny words to a squeak, forcing Nick to elaborate. “Yes I know Dave’s friend, Giddy is the unpredictable one! The one that looks a bit like a dark prince who has hidden all the gold. The sinister, smirking, Omega wannabe Gideon, prince of all fiscal darkness. But I’m sure we can trust them, after all, we are, all in this all together.”

Okay enough for now. So why Tsunami?

It’s a reference to an economic label used in Tony Blair’s call for more policy from Ed Miliband, leader of the opposition.

The economy is in turmoil and whichever party governs it’s forced to work with the harsh reality of colossal debt in a stubborn climate. At the time of writing George Osborne’s fiscal policy has yet to make a positive impact. Instead there’s a chance of a triple dip recession but he holds his course regardless.

Whilst Coalition buoyancy remains onerous with two parties flailing for popularity, one ice blue cold and “out of touch” the other, murky yellow “out of reach”, the electorate looks for brighter vessels to stow their future. Yet the choice for good ship Britannia appears slim providing opportunities for the less equipped parties i.e UKIP, reaching for voter lifelines, or the protest vote.

This current lack of choice is nothing new and is why we have a coalition government in 2013, yet with only two years to go before the next election we’re yet to know what Labour stands for. Enter previous Labour Prime Minister, Tony Blair writing an article for the New Statesman entitled: “Labour must search for answers and not merely aspire to be a repository for people’s anger”. In this he seeks more direction from Labour leadership. But what is Blair’s record for spending?

During the Blair years spending, as a percentage of GDP, was down and did not move up until 2007. Which must be a happy coincidence for Tony Blair, but these were “bloom” years with added greed, without the necessary risk management to prevent a crash. The result of which contributing to the 2012 figures and bringing them closer to the beginning of Thatcher years than ever before! Bad omen.

Tony Blair’s agenda remains to be seen but he does provide a good opportunity for a cartoon.

Sketching out a few ideas I thought, Tsunami waves with out of control surfers was a good choice. Why not have the coalition’s Quad bouncing across these troubled waters, while Tony Blair tries to convince Ed Miliband to jump in. The lack of a significant alternative from Labour needs to be addressed and if Mr Miliband waits too long to commit could miss the tide altogether.

Surf’s up Ed, time to jump in.

References

New Statesman and Blair

Spending

What do you do with an incompetent banker, WMD?

Posted on April 10, 2013 by dickepa

Soon after the financial crash of 2008 reports came flooding in of incompetence amongst of the professional banking elite, participating in what can only be called, obscene risk driven by greed. Some chosing to sail on regardless, ignoring their advisors, even replacing them with others that sang a happier tune.

When HBOS’s Head of Risk, Paul Moore voiced his concerns to the HBOS board he was replaced by another with less experience. The consequence of the risk being practiced at the bank was so colossal that Mr Moore was forced to blow the whistle. Of course his professional opinion was taken seriously and reviewed by an external financial regulatory, the FSA.

PAUSE!

At this point we venture into the wealth of community knowledge published on Wikipedia: Paul Moore, dismissed by HBOS after warning levels of uncontrollable risk. HBOS ignore him so he blows the whistle. The details of the case are reviewed by the FSA and dropped under the assurance of reasonable mitigation. And what was James Crosby doing at the time? Appointed in January 2004 by HM Treasury as a non-Executive Director of the Financial Services Authority whilst still CEO of HBOS! Just one example of the “Oh dear, oh dear” stories entering the public domain. Even the Prime Minister at the time, Gordon Brown replaced Alastair Darling when he produced nerve shattering music on economic stature!

PLAY!

After reading; dreadful exposés in Select Committee reports, Vince Cable’s published outcry demanding better employment scrunity and controls, and the launch of the Financial Conduct Authority’s probes, what will there be left for these gentlemen to do? Early retirement would be too easy, they need to work somewhere. Okay need is not the best word! Look at Crosby alone. Even with his ‘self regulatory’ offer of a surrendered knighthood and reduced pension, he will still stand to receive a £400,000 pension, whilst most of us who had no alternative but to contribute to the £20,000,000,000 bailout would be lucky to receive a tenth of that. Apologies for getting serious, this site is supposed to have some humour in it, time for radical thinking!

What can we do with incompetent bankers? Surely there should be some form of payback? Here’s an idea, reconsider all the billions spent on the Trident defence system and look at alternatives. We have a stockpile of less conventional ‘voracious’ bankers, lets send them to any country that has WMD. Here we can get them to use their un-mitigable risky, fiscal powers and cut the target’s purse strings. Release ‘too good to be true’, ‘funny smelling’ financial deals propped up by ‘complicated, obfuscated, nested financial products’ and tad-dar, stop all WMD programmes. Hurrah, no nuclear missile threat.

If only it were that easy.

For more serious reading, have a look at these sites. The currency war looks most disconcerting! Countries trying to lower their currency in favour of more exports. Whoops they broke the economy again!

When a Boss ignores his risk manager

A recommended read on Currency Wars

A good site for knowing more about finance wars

The best form of defense

Education and Welfare: Striking The Balance

Posted on April 4, 2013 by dickepa

Where have the Lib Dems gone? Not that I’m worried but it appears that the Easter political limelight is only for the Tories. Perhaps Nick Clegg and party are scurrying their little, cockroach bodies somewhere in the undergrowth of Westminster shrubbery, scavenging for chocolate happiness.

How many chocolate eggs have the reform leaders broken this week? Thanks to the National Union of Teachers [NUT] we are reminded of the lack of faith in Michael Gove whilst drawing attention to another more or less desired Michael, depending on which side of the guillotine you stand!

Michael Wilshaw is unpopular amongst teachers, not only for his “big brother” command of Ofsted whom the teachers find disruptive but also for his sickly serving of misery, garnished with the openly spoken words: “If anyone says to you that ‘staff morale is at an all time low’, you know you’re doing something right”. A statement which says more about the individual than the establishment.

Both NUT and the Association of Teachers and Lecturers have voted no confidence in either Michael. I dare not ask what they think of George Osborne. All politicians ruining the chances of a George Michael gig at a teachers’ conference any time soon.

Welfare! This week Iain Duncan Smith has been broadcasting from the comfort of his inherited £2 million home, that he too could live on £53 per week, if he needed to. Whether this was a cunning trap or a question of putting one’s size nines in, it doesn’t really matter because it only adds more fuel for the fire! The size of which is growing by the Tory week with accumulating background chatter of “lazy”, “poor” and “shirkers”. Here’s an IDS spoof quote which I enjoyed “majority of people who claim benefits are alive, this cannot continue”. Courtesy of the satirical site, Newsthump.com, yet it sums it up nicely.

Church and Charity have also voice their concerns regarding the haste and severity of impact the reforms will have on the poor “Too much too soon”. While YouGov surveyed voters who revealed their recognition of welfare abuse and their desire for action.

January 2013 report: “77% of voters favour stripping child benefit payments from families with an earner making £60,000 plus and 76% would remove benefits from those who refuse to work.”

Something else which hit the news around Easter was the search for alternative sources of protein. Okay probably more to do with the recent horse meat scandal but theorists believe a more environmentally friendly and economic approach could see us all eating insects in the future? The BBC report that 99.9% of people regularly eat insects in some form already! Yup the stuff that makes sweets pink comes from ground bugs. It wont be long before we’re all tucking into a widgety grub sandwich, with sugared worms for dessert.

Talking about confectionery, anyone for a chocolate covered cockroach? No thought not, best left to the pests of Westminster.

Reference:

Teachers vote no confidence

Who wants welfare reform

Who wants IDS

I like bugs & Hungry yet?

Budget 2013: There is no Magical Money Tree

Posted on March 21, 2013 by dickepa

I remember March 2012, not for the Pasty Tax or my neighbour’s stockpile of Jerry cans full of petrol but for the windy weather that had a score to settle with one rather old Ash tree in my back garden. I can picture it now, rocking to and fro, the inverted pendulum lifting the ground to the rhythm of a sleeping giant’s chest. If I didn’t intervene today surely the wind would succeed in up rooting the beast, smashing everything in it’s path as it fell! From the safety of my kitchen window I stared as the wind rattled the glass in its frame.

While the tree was some distance from my house, the little greenhouse standing next to it was in certain peril if my only action was to continue sipping tepid coffee and perpetually stuff my face with toast. I had to do something. Watching the situation get worse, hypnotised by the arbor swing of the thing in my back yard, I considered my options. There were two robust reasons for not hiring a guy! Time and money, my budget statement in a nutshell. I needed to do something within my means and something quick within the practical realm of human safety. It was time for a bit of extreme gardening.

Admission, I don’t really like gardening unless it involves machinery or fire! I know this sounds destructive but my participation, when reluctantly summoned, usually ends in blisters, cuts and splinters. Splinters so very small, yet so annoyingly painful. However nothing like the type which worm their way under the skin of one red faced David Cameron.

Early March 2013 the Prime Minister gave his economy speech in Keighly. In it he said “There is no magic money tree” or in other words, don’t expect deviation from Plan A, austerity, a stubborn, hard slog of getting the country’s borrowing down. After David Cameron’s budget primer, his coalition colleagues and the Office for Budget Responsibility, openly contradicted his words. Vince Cable, Lib Dem Cabinet Minister, published an essay calling for more Keynsian style, capital spending and the OBR reported that addressing the deficit did play a part in stifling growth. With these events dominating the tabloids Theresa May takes her opportunity to bid for power, ready to grasp any foothold unguarded by a floundering Minister. The future was not looking bright for the Dave and where was the Chancellor hiding? George Osborne remained in the economic shadows, nowhere to be seen. Out of site but not out of mind.

The economy was not the only subject which distanced David Cameron from public confidence, we also had Leveson’s report for press reform, a consequence of the hacking tendencies of some newspaper reporters . A week before George Osborne’s 2013 budget statement, the three leaders were at loggerheads over what to do. Leveson’s recommendations caused an unlikely alliance between Labour and the Liberal Democrats. Clegg and Miliband sought press regulation underpinned by statute whilst Cameron supported a Royal Charter without.

So finally against this backdrop of news the budget statement was delivered. No Plan B, stick to plan A with some sweeteners to keep the constituents vote in 2015. How? Slightly cheaper beer and a 20% incentive to buy a new build house. Okay that’s not all but we are all going to be a little bit older before we see any turn around in the economy. The cuts remain and those nasty little troublesome splinters have the last word.

Oh what happened to the tree? Thanks to my Father-in-Law it became austerity firewood with perhaps one to two unwanted splinters.

Are the Liberal Democrats Seasonal?

Posted on March 11, 2013 by dickepa

It’s Spring time in England and our bleary eyed selves are dragged out of the duller months of the year with the vibrant bursts of yellow, brought to us with the ubiquitous bloom of the daffodil. A wonderful little ray of sunshine full of cheery promise yet now under the black cloud of the Liberal Democrat Party. And this makes me think of, the thickest skinned, stale, cold custard of all school stodge, preserved in the disappointed memory of childhood dinners.

Whilst most mothers on Sunday were enjoying off-spring attention with flowers, dinner and chocolates, some places at the table were left empty due to a calendar clash made so by the Lib Dems’ Party’s Spring Conference. An event that may have went unnoticed in the past, unlike today due their “protest” role in government. Now we get to hear all the detail of their scurrying in the midst of their large and bloated coalition partners’ pedicured feet.

Here’s what Nick Clegg said about his coalition partners during Party Conference stand up on March 10th 2013:

“just can’t manage it, no matter how hard they try. They’re like a kind of broken shopping trolley. Every time you try and push them straight ahead they veer off to the right-hand side.”

Pest Control, I may have taken advantage of something someone said about cockroaches but in news the Lib Dems have been busy but not for the right reasons.

Chris Huhne found perverting the course of justice by avoiding speeding penalties and convincing his now ex-wife, Vicky Pryce to take them. If he stayed put and didn’t leave her for another, who knows what would have happened?
Lord Rennard, accused of being a sex pest with wondering hands, forcing damaging news just before an important Eastleigh byelection with Nick Clegg’s intermittent cover-up memory of Rennard’s sudden departure.
Tim Farron’s, party president, statement that the Lib Dems are like cockroaches, determined to survive.
Vince Cable’s protest to the government’s economic strategy calling on the wisdom of John Maynard Keynes, an economist involved in the rescue mission after the great depression of the 1930′s. With Nick Clegg disagreeing.
Against the party leadership many oppose secret courts. Two high profile female party members vote with their feet and walk out, and women members is something the Lib Dems are short of.

It’s stormy weather for the yellow party and whilst the daffodils curl up & shrivel at the roadside, I wonder if the Liberal Democrats will do the same.

Budget 2013: Speculation central, More cuts less growth

Posted on March 6, 2013 by dickepa

It’s budget season and here come the politicians hopping and jumping with all the madness of March hares, reacting to a budget statement which has yet to be made. I think I might have just described a good opportunity for a cartoon? Probably better than the above. If only I had more time to draw it. BTW if you’re looking for economic answers to UK debt, sorry you will not find them here.

Talking of cartoons, anyone searching the Internet for George Osborne caricatures will notice that the subject is the cause for much attention and getting a likeness is varied. When I look at him I see: giant baby with large cow eyes, mannerisms include smarmy and sniggering snob with a hint of fat bellied pork. Steve Bell draws his bondage version with much gusto and I also like Martin Rowson’s, public, posh boy, slime bag image, now without face, but generally George Osborne is a bit of a pig to draw.

Back to budget. What’s all the noise about? For one, I can’t tell if it’s a display of pre-budget concern with a garnish of sincerity or conniving spin to soften austerity? The Defence Secretary denounces further cuts and questions Welfare spending. Danny Alexander paints a shameful picture of Mr Hammond hanging out his dirty laundry in public (another cartoon opportunity). Vince Cable suggests Philip Hammond scraps the Trident missile programme to release funds for business stuff, and Chris Grayling scrapes savings from the bottom of the criminal defence barrel, much to Lord Neuberger’s annoyance

Remember 2012? Some items from that budget: Decreased 50p tax rate for high earners, increased tax band for middle income earners, offer of 50 year bonds, Granny tax, child benefit cuts, caravan and pasty tax.

Judging by the build up so far, I’m speculating that we’re about to be dished out more grim news without a whiff of March hare magic pulled from any hat, and that sadly continues to remain a rarity in the Osborne wardrobe of millinery wares.

If you would like a more detailed reminder on last year’s budget see BBC report of 2012 Budget

Eastleigh 2013 by-election: Vote for Doris

Posted on February 26, 2013 by dickepa

It’s a sleepy overcast, windy, Wednesday morning in Butlock Street, and Doris, a sixty something, retired shop assistant at number fourteen, peacefully contemplates her day in her favourite armchair, strategically positioned next to the window of her Eastleigh, Victorian living room. Suddenly she hears a cacophony of indecisive murmurs coming from outside. Startled she looks up and springs into action like a cobra shaken from its basket. Standing to attention with a rhythmic sway of the serpent, she surreptitiously spies through the crack of her curtains. A group of people gather outside. Peering through the brilliant white veil of the finest modern silk that a pensioner can afford (okay, polyester net curtains) she listens and observes.

In front of her garden, close to the over indulged hedge, she studies a gaggle of well dressed men and women, nervously fidgeting and trying to keep warm. With her delicate hand poised and ready for the next curtain twitch opportunity, she looks and concludes “Bloody Jehovah Witnesses”.

Normally Doris would be spot on but today these aren’t the usual religious pack of blood-donor-less individuals accustomed to the street! They’re the by-election candidates of Eastleigh and today they’re canvasing Butlock Street for votes. They have been in training for weeks, armed to the teeth with ambiguous fabricated promises to turn their red wine stained tongues to pink silk and their listeners’ ears to disinterested cotton wool.

Welcome to Eastleigh by-election of 28^th February 2013, made possible by the speeding exit of one Mr Chris “darling if you love me you’ll take these penalty points” Huhne, Liberal Democrat MP for Eastleigh 2010 – 2013. Here candidates and their associate political celebrities will be canvassing their socks off and don’t worry for the likes of Doris, I’m sure she’ll find some entertainment in this charade. You never know, she could become famous, the next Gillian Duffy.

And all this, against a backdrop of Pope exit stage left. So whilst this farce unravels, we can sit back and watch, enjoying from our much loved and comfortable armchairs, wondering what all the fuss is about.

UPDATE: The results

Mike Thornton (Liberal Democrat) 13,342 (32.06%, -14.48%)

Diane James (UKIP) 11,571 (27.80%, +24.20%)

Maria Hutchings (Conservative) 10,559 (25.37%, -13.96%)

John O’Farrell (Labour) 4,088 (9.82%, +0.22%)

If you want to know some facts about Eastleigh politics, the following site is a good start.
Allthatsleft.co.uk

Satirical World

Editorial Cartoons Politics